We’re expecting a snow storm tomorrow. The day before Thanksgiving. Quite literally the busiest travel day of the year. To all those on the move, good luck, be safe and consider this airline for next year’s travels:
Kulula certainly has a sense of humor. Air travel sucks, as I’ve noted here before, but it sucks a little less when you’re on a plane that points out that the loo is also a mile-high-club induction chamber.
A few recent announcements on Kulula flights:
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”
“Now on our way to Slaapstad we should be flying over a few swimming pools, 4 rivers and a large sewerage pond, so in the case of a water-landing you have your own life-jacket under the seat. There’s a red whistle for survivors and a light to shine in the shark’s eyes.”
“We are a smoke-free flight and the toilets are monitored by smoke detectors & video-camera’d for the captain’s entertainment. But if we do catch you smoking the Civil Aviation Authority can fine you up to R6000; and Kulula fans, for those prices you could have flown South African Airways today and got yourself a free blankie.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed in Cape Town. Please take all your possessions. Anything left behind will be shared equally between staff. Please note we do not accept unwanted mothers-in-laws or children.”
And finally, the “Kulula census” radio ad letting everyone know they are the “Most South African Airways”: “I’m on Kulula flight MN101 from Jozi to Cape Town and we’re without a doubt the most South African Airways. I’ve just counted, on board we’ve got 189 passengers, 90 who fly for business, 99 for pleasure, 36 are Zulus, 21 are Xhosas, 9 Sothos, 68 whites, 38 of them english, 30 afrikaans, 12 are hipsters, 19 coloureds, 21 Indians, 2 Rastas, 11 Jews all white, 2 goths wearing black, 34 divorcees of mixed races, 9 homosexuals also mixed, 1 transexual black and one man wearing panties and a bra, white, the man not the panties and the bra – those are black.”
Your move, Southwest.